Goodbye to the 00’s, or whatever they’re called

Over a decade ago, back around 1998 and 1999, I remember having a series of conversations with my father on a topic that seemed vitally important at the time. The new millennium was approaching. The 90’s were almost over. The long-awaited year 2000 was almost upon us. Remember that? Remember the “Y2K” scare, which caused some people to go out and buy generators and extra water for when the clock would strike midnight and all the computer networks and national infrastructure would come to a screeching halt, setting off all sorts of chaos and mayhem?

The question that my father and I wrestled with was a simple one. What would people call the next decade? We had the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s, but what would we call the decade from 2000 to 2009? My father asserted that the corresponding years of the previous century—1900 to 1909—were dubbed the “aughts.” “Aught” is an old-fashioned term for zero, thus the years “nineteen aught one, nineteen aught two,” etc. I thought the term might be updated to something like “the zero’s,” or the “double-O’s.” Whatever term was to be used, we agreed that the media would define it. After all, in television, radio, and newspaper reporting, there is an obvious recurring need to refer to time, including decades.

What has surprised me is that since the turn of the millennium, this seemingly simple question has not really been answered. I have waited for “us” (the country and culture in general) to arrive at an accepted and universally used term for this decade. For me, the first sign of trouble was a radio station jingle that I heard circa 2001/2002 that said, “We play the greatest hits from the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, and today.” Today? I screamed at the radio, “Today? But what’s today? It doesn’t have a name yet!”

Over the years I have heard similar statements on TV, radio, movies, the internet, and newspapers. It seems like people in general have sidestepped the issue, either inserting an awkward phrase for the current time, or ignoring reference to it altogether.

In the past ten years, I can only remember two times when I heard the issue addressed directly. In one of those instances, Jerry Seinfeld jokingly called this decade “the double-O’s” during a Tonight Show appearance. The other instance was when one of my seminary professors called this decade the “aughts,” the term to which my father had previously alluded.

So, as we slip into 2010 in the next few days, the question remains in my mind: What is the name of this decade? Again, as far as I can tell, we have not answered the question.

I’ll finish with two quick observations. First, the problem is not going to go away. As we start the next decade, the need to refer to this decade will not cease. At some point, we will have to come to grips with this question. (On the other hand, you might argue, maybe we don’t. We’ve gone on this way for ten years and we’ve all survived just fine.)

The second observation is that we need a name for the next decade. What will it be? I’m thinking “the teens” is as good as any. I know that this has the obvious drawback of not adequately describing the years 2010 through 2012, but overall, I think it could work. We could call the next few years “the pre-teens,” and see if it catches on.

I welcome your observations and suggestions.

Ecclesionomy vs. Ephesians, part 1

If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ve noticed that before Christmas I had a little fun with something I called “Fractured Christmas Bible studies.” One of these studies focused on whether children need to do good works in order to get presents from Santa Claus, or if they merely need to believe, or have faith, in him.

I’d like to elaborate on this idea a little (with all joking aside), because this raises the real-world question of whether one needs to do good works in order to get to heaven, or merely believe (have faith) in Jesus. One of the best biblical passages on this matter is Ephesians 2:8-10, so I will use that as a basis for my discussion, with an assist from other sections of the Bible.

Ephesians 2:8-10

8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—

9 not by works, so that no one can boast.

10 For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Verse 8 makes it clear that a person is saved by grace. Saved means that a person is forgiven of his sins, given a new status as a child of God, and will spend eternity with Him after he dies. Grace means that this salvation is unearned, in that there is nothing a person can do in terms of human effort to receive it. As verse 8 says, this grace is “the gift of God.”

Verse 9 makes the point even more clearly. Salvation is not by works. Let me put it this way. If God really is a divine, perfect being, and your salvation depended on doing good works, then how many good works would it take to get to heaven? A million? Ten per day for the rest of your life? How could we even define the requirement for good deeds, knowing that God is the perfect, almighty creator of the universe? In my view, this defines the human predicament. There is no way any of us can do enough good works to satisfy a perfect God.

So if we can’t earn our way into heaven through human effort, then how do we get there? Let’s go back to verse 8 for a second. It is through faith. Faith means placing our trust, or believing, in God. What’s more, the verses preceding these in Ephesians 2 (as well as many other Bible passages, such as 1 Corinthians 15:1-8 and Romans 10:9) make it clear that “saving” faith in God involves believing that His Son, Jesus, died on a cross and was subsequently raised from the dead.

Salvation, then, does not come by doing good works, but by placing one’s faith in God by believing in Jesus Christ—that is, believing that Jesus was God made flesh (what we celebrate at Christmas), that He lived a perfect life, died in our place though He was totally innocent of any wrongdoing, and was raised to life again, defeating death.

But this might logically raise a very important question in one’s mind. If a person is saved by faith alone, what then is the role of “good works?” Certainly, a Christian is supposed to live a good life, right? He’s not supposed to live in an immoral, unethical, selfish, or evil way. I will elaborate on this question in an upcoming blog entry.

Merry Christmas message

I have always been intrigued by the song lyric “mild He lays His glory by, born that man no more may die,” which of course comes from “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.”

At Christmas, we emphasize Bible passages from the gospels of Matthew and Luke, and rightfully so. The opening chapters of these two books give us many of the familiar accounts of the birth of Jesus—the baby in the manger, the shepherds coming to worship Him, and the Wise Men are a few examples. [Just to be clear—the story of the Little Drummer Boy is not in the Bible.]

But I often find myself reflecting on two other Scripture passages at the holidays. One is Philippians 2:5-11. Here, the apostle Paul says that Jesus, exercising great humility, gave up His heavenly dwelling and became a man, “making Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant.” Not only did He become a man, but He became a man who was obedient to God—obedient to the point where He underwent a torturous death on a cross. “Mild He lays His glory by.”

But why did He do it? Why did He leave a majestic heavenly home in order to live and die as a human being? John 1:1-14 helps explain this. Here we find Jesus described as “the Word” who was present with God from the beginning of time (“He was with God in the beginning,” v. 2), who was the agent of God’s creation (“through Him all things were made,” v. 3), and yet came down to earth (“the Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us,” v. 14). John 1:12 says this: “Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.” “Born that man no more may die.”

By the way, all this was made possible not only because Jesus died in our place, but He overcame (that is, defeated) death by rising from the grave. I’ll elaborate on Jesus’ resurrection in my Easter-time blog entries.

So, I wish you all a Merry Christmas, and I’d like to thank you so much for reading my blog. Barring any sudden epiphanies, I will be taking Friday off, and I'll resume the blog next Monday.

I’ve had a lot of fun listening to Christmas CDs, and sharing some “fractured Bible studies” and stupid song lyrics with you this December. But when it comes right down to it, my wish for this holiday season is that we all see and appreciate Jesus for who He really is—God made flesh, who gave up His glory to live among us, so that we, by placing our faith in Him, “no more may die.” Merry Christmas!

Christmas albums, part 3 and final

Drum roll, please . . .


#10. "Christmas Portrait" by the Carpenters. This album has a little bit of everything, from up tempo, to Christmas standards, to a few selections from The Nutcracker. But most of all, it has the vocals of Karen Carpenter, who has one of the purest voices I have ever heard.


#9. "Merry Christmas" by Bing Crosby. One of the all-time classics. It was originally released in 1945. This album, of course, contains “White Christmas,” probably the holiday song that Bing is best known for. He also tackles “Adeste Fideles,” (O Come All Ye Faithful, sung in Latin). But “Merry Christmas” also has a few interesting twists, to include what must be an Irish-American favorite, “Christmas in Killarney,” as well as one of my personal favorites, “Mele Kalikimaka” (Hawaiian Merry Christmas).

#8. "I Wanna Be Santa Claus" by Ringo Starr. I was surprised when I found out that Ringo did a Christmas album. It is relatively recent—first released in 1999—and features several really good original songs, such as “Come On, Christmas” (a rockin’ number to lead things off), the title track, and “The Christmas Dance.” He also does a great job with some holiday classics, especially “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” And, of course, how could Ringo not do “Little Drummer Boy”? Also of interest, Ringo performs “Christmas Time is Here Again,” the only Christmas song recorded by the Beatles (recorded for their fan club record in 1967).

#7. "The Beach Boys' Christmas Album" by the Beach Boys. It’s hard to beat the harmonies of the Beach Boys. In 1964, they released a Christmas album that has certainly stood the test of time. It includes originals like “Little Saint Nick,” “The Man with All the Toys,” and “Santa’s Beard.” The boys also do a terrific job with several holiday classics. The compact disc includes a few bonus tracks, one of which is a moving a capella rendition of “The Lord’s Prayer.” This album should be a part of anybody’s Christmas music collection.

#6. "The Ventures' Christmas Album" by the Ventures. Do you remember the Ventures? They were a group back in the early sixties, best known for their rock-n-roll instrumental hit “Walk, Don’t Run.” The Ventures produce a wildly enjoyable Christmas album of rock guitar instrumentals that will really get your blood pumping. I highly recommend this album. The Ventures incorporate many riffs from other hits of the era into their instrumentals, including “Wooly Bully” and “Tequila.” This album is a lot of fun.

#5. "A Charlie Brown Christmas" by the Vince Guaraldi Trio. Admit it. We all love to dance around to “Linus and Lucy” in that silly, Peanuts way. It’s just a great song. This album is full of great songs—very complex jazz compositions that somehow capture the essence of crisp winter weather, childhood whimsy, romantic fires, and presents under the tree. Songs like “Christmas Time is Here,” “My Little Drum,” and “Skating” capture the Christmas mood perfectly. This one will always be in my top five.

#4. “A Fab Four Christmas, The Ultimate Beatles Tribute, Vol. 1” by Fab Four. This album is awesome! If you are a Beatles fan, this album is a must. On this album—very cleverly done—Fab Four fuses classic Beatles tunes with Christmas favorites. You can’t help but smile from the very beginning, when you hear the opening riff of “I Saw Her Standing There” blend perfectly into “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” “Help!” becomes “Hark!” . . . you get the picture. It is amazing how closely Fab Four mimics every detail of the Beatles’ style, from vocals to guitar riffs to the minutest musical nuance. They have also issued a “Volume 2” of Christmas hits based on Beatles songs, which is also quite good.

#3. "A Christmas Album" by Amy Grant. Amy Grant has done about thirty-seven Christmas albums, so it is easy to forget that her first one was really, really good. She starts out with “Tennessee Christmas,” a lovely, sentimental song that just about makes you want to spend every Christmas in Tennessee. Amy also performs stellar versions of “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” and “O Little Town of Bethlehem,” both with slightly modified, but very good, arrangements. Another highlight is “Emmanuel,” a well-known contemporary Christian song. Great voice, great variety, great originality. This is one of the very best Christmas albums out there.

#2. "Elvis' Christmas Album" by Elvis Presley. Is it any surprise that “the King” would have one of the top Christmas albums? Elvis’ Christmas album is a tale of two sides. The first six songs are pure rock-n-roll Elvis, including his easily recognizable version of “Blue Christmas” as well as totally rockin’ songs like “Santa Claus is Back in Town” and “Santa Bring my Baby Back to Me.” Then, Elvis transitions to a gospel sound, crooning several religious numbers in a very heartfelt manner. One of my all-time favorites is “Peace in the Valley,” which he performs with The Jordanaires. “It is No Secret (What God Can Do)” is also right up there on my list.

#1. "The Christmas Song" by Nat King Cole. Well, what can I say? This has been my favorite Christmas album since I was a boy, really. To me, this album has it all. Originiality. Great vocals and instrumentation. Variety. I mean, Nat sings “O Tannenbaum” in German. He sings, “A Cradle in Bethlehem” and “Caroling, Caroling,” songs seldom heard elsewhere. But the thing that sets this album apart from all the others, in my mind, is one word: reverence. I have no idea if Nat King Cole was a Christian man. I read that he was the son of a preacher. But the reverence with which he sings songs like “O Holy Night,” “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing,” and “A Cradle in Bethlehem” always, and I mean always, gives me goose bumps. And not just a little bit. I mean prolonged, repeated goose bumps that last for the entire song. It’s not that others don’t sing with reverence, it’s just that Nat takes the cake. He sings these songs as if he honestly thinks that a Savior has been born in the city of Bethlehem, and that it really means something to him.

So, there you have it. Nat King Cole’s “The Christmas Song” is my #1 Christmas album. But as I mentioned before, choosing the top ten was extremely difficult for me. I shuffled the order around at least a half dozen times over the past few weeks. There are so many excellent albums and songs out there. I hope you enjoyed my little foray into Christmas albums this year, and hope that you even may have seen an album or two that piqued your interest.

Christmas/end-of-year photo-palooza

Not a lot of words today . . . rather, I thought I would give a pictorial recap of some of my family's activities in 2009. Hope you enjoy them.

This is Barb and Chad (with Matthew sneaking into the background) at the Grassfield High School cross-country awards night in early December.





Our two skim-boarders at the beach in July.
















Chad and date pose before the Ring Dance in November. The evening included paparazzi-style picture taking, transportation via limo, dinner at a nice Italian restaurant, the dance, and a post-dance bonfire.



Barbara addresses our church at a meeting in August to discuss the calling of our new pastor. Barb served for twenty months on the pastor search committee. This was a demanding job which she undertook with her usual wisdom, skill, and aplomb.


The family poses with one of the pirates at the Pirate Cove miniature golf course while on vacation in Virginia Beach in July. It's hard to beat spending the day on the beach, dinner at a seafood restaurant, a walk on the boardwalk, some mini-golf, and Dairy Queen to top it all off. Now that's a vacation day.


Barb and Matthew at the third grade Christmas concert earlier this month. Matthew and classmates entertained us with a holiday musical extravaganza.




Matthew and me, post-concert.









Matthew poses with birthday cake in May. He turned eight this year. The birthday party theme was baseball, and we topped off the party with a trip to a Norfolk Tides baseball game.




Chad poses with the Virginia Eastern Region Cross-Country championship trophy. He and the team had a very successful season. We were very impressed and proud of his hard work and dedication during his entire high school cross-country career.





Da boys chillin' during the summer.









In June, Chad went on a mission trip to Ecuador. He worked hard rebuilding a school, shared his faith, and as you can see, established a great rapport with the boys. Oh, and he also ate roasted guinea pig.


Barbara and Chad on the boardwalk in Virginia Beach in July.








Matthew jumps into the picture, full of silliness as usual.










In August, the entire Q family got together for a weekend to celebrate my parent's 70th birthdays. It was special to get everyone together, and we had a great time visiting, going to the beach, and taking mom and dad to their birthday dinner.

Christmas albums, part 2

Believe it or not, I have made it through about two-thirds of my Christmas CD collection so far (my official count is 62 in all). One thing I’ll say right off the bat is that this endeavor has really put me in the Christmas mood. For some reason I feel more in the Christmas spirit this year than I have in a long time, and I think listening to all this great music has helped. Anyway, I feel I have gotten to the point where I can present to you my “honorable mentions.” But first I’ll throw in a few of my favorites from the “novelty” category as well. Before Christmas I will finish listening to my entire collection and present my Top 10. And let me tell you one thing in advance: Choosing my top ten, and ranking them, is really, really tough. But more on that later.

Top Novelty Albums

My broad definition of a novelty album is an album that is not musical, not intended to be taken as serious music, or a compilation of silly songs. For instance, I consider “Christmas with the Brady Bunch” to be a novelty album, because it is not meant to be serious music (it is a sappy collection of the very young Brady kids singing, i.e. before they got “serious” and became the Brady Six). On the other hand, I don’t consider “A Partridge Family Christmas Card” to be novelty, because it is intended to be serious music (I think I love it, so what am I so afraid of?). Anyway . . .



“How the Grinch Stole Christmas”—soundtrack of the animated television special, narrated by Boris Karloff. This brings back fond memories. The main track is a twenty minute audio of the entire story as seen (heard) on TV. It also includes a handful of songs, including the full-length version of Karloff’s “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.” “Given the choice between the two of you, I’d take the seasick crocodile . . .”



“The Beatles Christmas Album” by The Beatles. The Beatles never put out a Christmas album. This is a “posthumous” compilation of the band’s fan club Christmas records from 1963 to 1969, each of which is about seven minutes long. So, there is no music, per se, but a lot of silliness as the band recaps their year(s) and thanks their fans. I find it a very interesting time piece. It is particularly fascinating to listen to the transition that took place over the years. The group progressed from a united, clever, funny bunch in the early years, to one that didn’t even record their Christmas greeting together by the late 60s. By 1969, fans were subjected to Yoko Ono trying to sing with John Lennon. Ugh.


“A Classic Cartoon Christmas Too” presented by Nick at Nite. This is the second volume of Nick at Nite’s compilation of notable Christmas cartoon songs. What makes this one so special for me is that it is the only album I’ve been able to find that has the “Heat Miser” and “Snow Miser” songs. Too much!





Honorable Mention, in no particular order


"The Christmas Sessions" by Mercy Me. I've only owned this album for a few years, and it grows on me every time I listen to it. Decent mix of religious and traditional songs? Check. Good arrangements? Check. Enthusiastic singing and clever instrumentation? Check. There are a ton of Christmas albums out there, and a lot of them don't necessarily "jump out at you." This one does, at least for me. I recommend it.



“December” by George Winston. This album is a collection of very beautiful, festive, and romantic piano solos, including “Carol of the Bells,” and “Some Children See Him.” This album will definitely put you in the holiday mood. One minor (humorous) note regarding this album is that the liner notes have the following disclaimer: “The traditional pieces were chosen for their appropriateness as instrumental music for this project. They were not meant to convey any personal religious beliefs.” Whew! For a second there I thought he was going to talk about a Savior being born in Bethlehem, or something crazy like that.


"Christmas Album" by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. If you like the Brass, you'll like this album. Personally, I'm a big fan. Herb and the boys deliver an enchanting mix of holiday songs with that Tijuana accent that made them famous. Highlights include "Sleigh Ride," "My Favorite Things" (yes, from "The Sound of Music," but it works), and "Las Mananitas" (traditional Mexican birthday song).




“The 4 Seasons Christmas Album” by The 4 Seasons. You just gotta love that distinctive sound of the 4 Seasons. “You better watch out, you better not cry-eye, bay-ay-bee, tellin’ you why . . .” The Jersey Boys put forth a very fine Christmas album. I had a hard time keeping this one out of my top ten. This album features a good variety of Christmas tunes, including several medleys, a great rendition of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus,” and a funny novelty song called “Jungle Bells.” The kids love it.


“Christmas Hits” collection. I tried to shy away from including “Greatest Hits” albums on this countdown, but in this case I couldn’t help it. This album has many of the Christmas hits from the 50s and 60s, with an emphasis on the Motown greats—Smokey, the Supremes, the Temptations, and the Jackson Five. Very enjoyable stuff. It also includes one of my all-time rock-and-roll holiday favorites, Chuck Berry’s “Run Rudolph Run.”



“Christmas albums, part 3” is coming soon and will feature my top ten.

Fractured Christmas Bible Studies, take 3

I figure I’d share one more passage. This is one that many of you may have forgotten, but nevertheless, it is a stunning prophecy from the book of Ecclesionomy. I will add some comments of my own afterwards.

Ecclesionomy 4:1-5

1 And in that day he shall come, from out of the sky, unto all the world. And he shall be on top of their houses.

2 And the gifts of the children of all the nations will be upon his shoulders.

3 And his name shall be called Santa Claus, Saint Nick, Chris Kringle, Father Christmas, Viejo Pascuero, the Elfmaster,

4 the man with all the toys, the man in the big red suit, the pride of the North Pole, the hope of Vixen, and the joy of Rudolph.

5 And the children shall believe in him. They will write him letters, and he will bring them gifts.


Many of you are no doubt aware that the beauty of this passage has been largely overshadowed in a storm of controversy. The debate revolves around the phrase in verse 5 “they will write him letters,” and raises the question: Does a child have to do good works in order to “earn” presents, or does he or she need simply to believe in Santa Claus? In the academic world, this is known as the classic question of “faith vs. works Clausology.”

On the one side, some scholars think that “writing letters” strongly implies that children must do good deeds in order to receive gifts. In other words, children write letters to Santa Claus not just to make their gift requests known, but to affirm that they have done enough good works during the year to deserve such gifts. Traditionally, these good works have centered on the child’s obedience to his or her parents, doing assigned chores around the house, and being nice to siblings.

On the other side, many scholars maintain that all a child must do is believe (or, have faith) in Santa Claus, and the child will receive presents. They explain verse 5 by saying that good behavior and letter writing are not prerequisites for receiving gifts, but rather a child’s heartfelt response to a loving Santa.

So which is it? Does a child have to do good works in order to get presents, or merely believe in Santa Claus? This is a very complex question. Allow me to observe the following.

First, we must always remember that our Santa is an omniscient Santa. He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good. These weighty words describe the very nature of Santa, and exhort us that we had better be good, for goodness sake! So, it appears clear that there is at least some expectation of good deeds. However, this leads to the inescapable conclusion that bad children will not receive any presents, which is difficult for many to accept.

But, there are problems with this logic. If Santa already knows if you’ve been bad or good, why bother writing a letter telling him your good deeds? One answer to this might be that writing a letter to Santa allows children to acknowledge Santa and to deal with their own sense of greed. Also, think about our common experience. Have you ever known a child to not receive presents? Come on, we all know at least one kid who probably never deserved a present in his or her entire life. But they all receive gifts nonetheless. So I have come to the conclusion that gifts really are not dependent on a child’s behavior. In other words, I do not subscribe to a works-based Clausology.

Well, as I said, this is not an easy issue. My thoughts here have just scratched the surface, and many Clausologists would undoubtedly disagree with my view. But I share this with you because I think it is vitally important that we understand exactly why we believe the things we do about this most special time of year.

Stupid Song Lyrics – Christmas edition

Once again, we have arrived at the second Wednesday of the month, which can only mean it is time for another episode of Stupid Song Lyrics. In honor of the Christmas season, I thought it appropriate to delve into some of the more questionable lyrics from some of our holiday favorites. So, without any further ado . . .

1. “I saw three ships come sailing in, on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day. I saw three ships come sailing in, on Christmas Day in the morning.” Subsequent verses: “And what was in those ships, all three?”, “The virgin Mary and Christ were there”, and “O, they sailed to Bethlehem, On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day . . .”

I guess I’m missing something, because I don’t remember the biblical passage that describes Mary and the baby Jesus on a ship—a ship in a flotilla of three vessels—sailing into the land-locked town of Bethlehem on Christmas morning. Is this figurative or metaphorical language? Is the writer of this song using one of those “paraphrase” Bibles? Or are these just . . . stupid song lyrics?

2. From “Here Comes Santa Claus”: Santa knows that we’re God’s children, that makes everything right.

Talk about your blanket statements. That makes everything right? Everything? You know, there are a lot of terrible things going on out there in the world today—murder, kidnapping, terrorism, starvation, violence and tragedy of all kinds. But you’re telling me that as long as we all realize that Santa (a fictitious character) knows that we are all God’s children (or as Bing Crosby sings, “we’re God’s chillin’”), well, then, that makes everything right. You’re okay. I’m okay. The world is okay. It’s all good.

3. In Little Saint Nick, the Beach Boys continually harmonize, “Christmas comes this time each year.”

Except for that one year when it came in March.

4. “Everyone’s dancing merrily, in a new old fashioned way.” Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree

Don’t let this one confuse you. When you are rocking around the tree, dance in a new old fashioned way, not in the old old fashioned way. Actually, if I recall correctly, not long after this song came out, the old fashioned way was updated to the new fashioned way. But over time the new fashioned way was redesignated as the old new fashioned way, because people started dancing merrily in a new new fashioned way. So, to recap, we have had the old old fashioned way, the new old fashioned way, the old new fashioned way, and finally the new new fashioned way. But inevitably the new new fashioned way will be renamed the old new new fashioned way, because the new new new fashioned way will come along. And so on. And so on.

5. The Little Drummer Boy states, “The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum.”

Really? A couple of animals were keeping time? Now how exactly did they do that? Were they tapping their feet on the ground? Clapping their hoofs together? Scratchin’ on a first century mix-master machine? Seems kind of unrealistic. Besides, in any band, the drummer is the one who keeps time, so why would the little drummer boy need someone (or something) to keep time for him in the first place?

6. And finally, I want you all to enjoy your Christmas to the utmost. Don’t hold back from having the most splendid holiday ever. Celebrate with gusto! In other words, I want you to Jingle ALL the way! Don’t jingle half the way. Don’t jingle a little bit and then give up. Don’t talk a good game and then stop jingling on December 15th. Don’t make excuses. Jingle ALL the way! You can do it!

I need a ruling . . . The 12 days of Christmas

I find myself often devoting an inordinate amount of mental activity to very trivial matters and circumstances. It’s not healthy. Believe me, the things I am referring to are very trivial. And I will certainly elaborate on some of them in future blog entries. I think I will place such entries under the title “I need a ruling.” That is to say, I need a ruling on the matter, so that I can finally stop torturing myself by overanalyzing such inane things.

For today, though, I need a ruling on the song “The 12 Days of Christmas.” A few years ago, at a Christmas party, the host, a friend of mine, put together a fun game of Christmas “brain-teasers.” One of the questions was: What is the total number of gifts that “my true love gave to me” (during the 12 days of Christmas)? The problem is, I was convinced I had the right answer, but it was ruled as incorrect.

Here’s my answer. Day one, a partridge, that’s one gift. Day two, two turtledoves, that’s two more, for a total of three. Day three, three French hens, that’s three more, for a running total of six. And so on. So the total number of gifts would be 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + all the way up to + 12. That makes 78 gifts in all. Makes sense, right?

But my friend told me that the correct answer is really 364. How in the world do you get to 364? Here’s the logic behind this answer. Day one, a partridge, that’s one gift. Then the lyrics say, “On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.” That is, the second day’s gifts included all that is mentioned in that line, i.e. another partridge. Following this logic, day three would have included six gifts: three French hens, two (more) turtledoves, and one (more) partridge in a pear tree. In other words, by the twelfth day, the recipient has received 12 partridges in all, 22 turtle doves in all (2 x 11), etc. Get it? So the total number of gifts would be 1 + 3 + 6 + 10 + all the way up to + 78 = 364 gifts.

But I strenuously object to the 364 answer. The argument in support of it, obviously, is that it takes the words of the song in an exact, literal fashion. On each day, the true love gives the whole laundry list of gifts, not just the new item for that day.

But I think this is absurd, and is definitely not the intended meaning of this song. First of all, why would anyone want to give, or receive, any of these gifts in such abundance (except, of course, the golden rings)? If the 364 answer is right, then by the end of it all, the beloved has received, for example, a total of forty maids a milking (8 x 5) and forty-two geese a laying (6 x 7). Or think about this. By the end of the twelve days, between the ladies dancing and maids a milking, the recipient has received 76 women (awkward, dangerous), and between the swans, geese, calling birds, hens, doves, and partridges, there are a total of 184 birds flying around in the house (can you say “Animal Rescue?”).

I have no problem seeing each day’s gift as being a new item, and that item alone. I have no problem not taking the song literally, as the 364-ists believe. We say a lot of things in our lives that are not meant to be taken literally, and we all understand the intended meaning. In my view, each stanza of the song announces the particular gift for that day, then embarks on a joyous recapitulation of all the gifts given to date. After all, if you received these things from your “true love,” you’d certainly want to rehash such fond memories, wouldn’t you?

Anyway, see what I mean about devoting inordinate amounts of time to the contemplation of trivialities? Can I get a ruling on this?

Fractured Christmas Bible studies, take 2

For this next passage, I recommend making yourself a cup of hot cocoa, cuddling up next to the fire, and putting on some soft Christmas music in the background. Make it a warm, comfy atmosphere for this most-inspiring story from the book of Philesians.

Philesians 5:6-21

6 And behold, wise sages from the east did see a bright star in the sky. And the star shone with exceeding brilliance. It was brighter than any star had ever been, before or since.

7 And so the sages mounted their camels, and bearing much costly and precious gifts, set out on a long journey to follow the star.

8 And it came to pass, on the third day of their journey, as darkness drew nigh, that the wise sages took up lodging for the night in the town of Izmus.

9 And behold, one of the sages, Melchior, approached the entrance to the inn, and he saw nearby a small, plastic star which did rest on top of an exceedingly green tree.

10 Melchior was thus smitten by the tree and did inquire of the innkeeper, saying, “From whence camest such a tree?”

11 And the innkeeper replied, “Lo, this tree is exceedingly green, and its leaves, though needle-like, do never change their color.”

12 Melchior said, “May it be as you have said. Allow this sojourner the joy of approaching the tree.” And the innkeeper gave his consent.

13 So Melchior summoned the other wise sages who were with him, and they all marveled at the exceedingly green tree. And the tree was adorned with a plastic star on top, and tassels of silver all around (see footnote).

14 And behold, after a good while, Melchior, filled with awe, said,

“O Izmus tree, O Izmus tree, how lovely are thy branches.
O Izmus tree, O Izmus tree, how lovely are thy branches.

15 Thy boughs so green in summertime,
Stay bravely green in wintertime.

16 O Izmus tree, O Izmus tree, how lovely are thy branches.”

17 And again, Melchior, along with the wise sages, did inquire of the innkeeper, asking, “Wilt thou give us the tree for a fair price?”

18 And the innkeeper, thinking this was good, did cut down the exceedingly green tree, wrapped it tightly in nylon mesh, and with the help of an assistant, hoisted it on top of one of the sage’s camels.

19 And the sages left the innkeeper and his assistant a small tip.

20 And then the wise sages returned immediately to their home, setting up the exceedingly green tree. And alas, it took three whole days for the wise sages to set up the tree such that it appeared to stand straight from all angles.

21 And the sages placed the costly and precious gifts under the exceedingly green tree.


Footnote: In verse 13, tassels of silver comes from the Greek word tinselos, from which the English word tinsel is derived.

Fractured Christmas Bible studies, take 1

If you’re like me, you just love the Christmas season. So much joy, so much fun. A time to see relatives, a time to see loved ones, a time to see people that you only see once a year but that’s okay because you don’t really like them that much anyway. . . just kidding. I thought I’d take a few moments at this special time of year to share a few passages with you, maybe to help us remember what Christmas is really all about. Today will be the first installment.

Sometimes I will provide commentary and reflections, and other times I will just let the passage speak for itself. Today’s entry comes to us from the book of Hesitations, Chapter 7.

Hesitations 7:5-13

5 And behold there were three workers of the field, each with a sum of money they had earned; the first had 10,000 denarii, the second had 5,000 denarii, and the third had 1,000 denarii.

6 And the owner said to the first, “The expected one has come. Therefore, go out and buy gifts for a bunch of other people.”

7 So the first worker went out and spent 20,000 denarii to buy gifts for all of his relatives, loved ones, and others (many of whom he did not even like). Thus the first worker incurred 10,000 denarii of debt. One month later, the first worker realized that he could not repay the debt.

8 In the same manner, the owner told the second worker to go; and behold, the second worker took his 5,000 denarii and spent 10,000 denarii on gifts for his relatives, loved ones, and other people that he did not really like.

9 Thus he incurred 5,000 denarii of debt. One month later, he too realized that he could not repay the debt.

10 Then the owner told the third worker to buy presents in the same way. But the third worker bought only one gift, of great value, costing him 2,000 denarii.

11 And he took the gift to a great party, where the gift changed hands seven times before finally being claimed by his sometimes-friend Matthias the shepherd.

12 Then the owner called the three workers together, saying, “You have spent more than you had, and lo, before there are leaves on the trees, you shall not be able to repay your debt. Go and do likewise next year.”

13 And behold, there stood a youth at the side of the owner, who was the owner’s servant. And the youth said, “What does any of this have to do with the expected one?”