I need a ruling . . . The 12 days of Christmas

I find myself often devoting an inordinate amount of mental activity to very trivial matters and circumstances. It’s not healthy. Believe me, the things I am referring to are very trivial. And I will certainly elaborate on some of them in future blog entries. I think I will place such entries under the title “I need a ruling.” That is to say, I need a ruling on the matter, so that I can finally stop torturing myself by overanalyzing such inane things.

For today, though, I need a ruling on the song “The 12 Days of Christmas.” A few years ago, at a Christmas party, the host, a friend of mine, put together a fun game of Christmas “brain-teasers.” One of the questions was: What is the total number of gifts that “my true love gave to me” (during the 12 days of Christmas)? The problem is, I was convinced I had the right answer, but it was ruled as incorrect.

Here’s my answer. Day one, a partridge, that’s one gift. Day two, two turtledoves, that’s two more, for a total of three. Day three, three French hens, that’s three more, for a running total of six. And so on. So the total number of gifts would be 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + all the way up to + 12. That makes 78 gifts in all. Makes sense, right?

But my friend told me that the correct answer is really 364. How in the world do you get to 364? Here’s the logic behind this answer. Day one, a partridge, that’s one gift. Then the lyrics say, “On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.” That is, the second day’s gifts included all that is mentioned in that line, i.e. another partridge. Following this logic, day three would have included six gifts: three French hens, two (more) turtledoves, and one (more) partridge in a pear tree. In other words, by the twelfth day, the recipient has received 12 partridges in all, 22 turtle doves in all (2 x 11), etc. Get it? So the total number of gifts would be 1 + 3 + 6 + 10 + all the way up to + 78 = 364 gifts.

But I strenuously object to the 364 answer. The argument in support of it, obviously, is that it takes the words of the song in an exact, literal fashion. On each day, the true love gives the whole laundry list of gifts, not just the new item for that day.

But I think this is absurd, and is definitely not the intended meaning of this song. First of all, why would anyone want to give, or receive, any of these gifts in such abundance (except, of course, the golden rings)? If the 364 answer is right, then by the end of it all, the beloved has received, for example, a total of forty maids a milking (8 x 5) and forty-two geese a laying (6 x 7). Or think about this. By the end of the twelve days, between the ladies dancing and maids a milking, the recipient has received 76 women (awkward, dangerous), and between the swans, geese, calling birds, hens, doves, and partridges, there are a total of 184 birds flying around in the house (can you say “Animal Rescue?”).

I have no problem seeing each day’s gift as being a new item, and that item alone. I have no problem not taking the song literally, as the 364-ists believe. We say a lot of things in our lives that are not meant to be taken literally, and we all understand the intended meaning. In my view, each stanza of the song announces the particular gift for that day, then embarks on a joyous recapitulation of all the gifts given to date. After all, if you received these things from your “true love,” you’d certainly want to rehash such fond memories, wouldn’t you?

Anyway, see what I mean about devoting inordinate amounts of time to the contemplation of trivialities? Can I get a ruling on this?