Words that shouldn’t be

Well, while I’m on the subject of words, and having proposed a couple of new words that I think we need in the English language, I now proceed to discuss a few words that I often hear that I think fall into the category of “they shouldn’t be words.” Actually, let me express it better—they either shouldn’t be words, or they are kind of senseless, or we are using them in the wrong way.

Drinkability. I hear this word used a lot in a certain beer commercial. If you watched any NFL football this year, or the Olympics, or college basketball, you have no doubt heard of a beer that brags of its “drinkability.” Every time I hear this, I take a mental break from what I’m doing, and I ask: What in the world does that even mean? Are they being serious, or just kidding? The actual definition of drinkability is “suitable for drinking,” as in, beverages have drinkability, whereas petroleum products do not. To say that one beverage has drinkability and another doesn’t is just silly. In my view, we don’t really need this word anyway, because it is just an uppity way of saying “you can drink it.”

Musicality. So I’m watching a countdown show on VH1, “the top 100 songs of all-time,” or something like that. “Experts” share their views on each song, and several state that either the song or the artist has a lot of “musicality.” Wow. What keen insight. Musicality, according to dictionary.com, is “of, pertaining to, or producing music.” The Rolling Stones have musicality. So do the Beach Boys. But I must ask, where do we draw the line and say that a certain artist does not have musicality? The Bay City Rollers? Frank Stallone? William Shatner (he has put out a few “music” albums)? I don’t know. Here’s another one that in my opinion shouldn’t be a word to begin with. Why don’t we just say “it’s music” or “it’s not music” and leave it at that?

Trafficology. On my way to work each morning, a local TV weatherman (meteorologist) does traffic reports on the radio. He signs off by saying, “This is your trafficologist . . .” Trafficologist? Really? I’m thinking to myself, are you telling me that this guy went to an accredited four-year college and got his trafficology degree? What courses are offered in that program? Rubber-necking 101? On-ramps and Off-ramps? Impatient Drivers and their Obscene Hand Gestures? This word does not appear in the dictionary, but when I googled it, I found that it is used in the area of studying web traffic. For our local reporter, I think it is just part of the trend to add “ologist” to anything to make someone sound smarter than sheem is (see last blog entry for explanation of sheem). You know what I mean . . . someone who knows everything about the Beatles is a Beatles-ologist, someone who studies the NCAA Basketball Tournament seedings is a bracketologist, someone who studies pistachio nuts for a living is a pistachiologist, etc.

Workaholic. Here’s a term that I have never liked, for two reasons. First, as with any of the “-aholic” terms (workaholic, shopaholic, chocaholic), it is taken from the word alcoholic. So, in my mind, if an alcoholic is one who is addicted to alcohol, then a workaholic ought to refer to one who is addicted to “workahol.” (I don’t really know what workahol is, perhaps a mixture of work and drinking?) This reason is not that big a deal, though. What bothers me more is the second reason. That is, I find that many people (not all, but many) use the term more as a badge of honor than a serious problem. As an example, I have heard it said that in a job interview, when asked what your weaknesses are, you should say, “Well, my weakness is that I’m kind of a workaholic. I work so hard and am so dedicated to getting the job done, that I will stop at nothing, etc., etc." Get it? You make your weakness actually sound like a strength. And I have heard the term used this way many times in my life. My response (in my head, I’ve never actually voiced it) is, if you’re a workaholic, why don’t you seek medical help or counseling? That’s what an alcoholic would do. So, to conclude, I guess I’m not saying that workaholic shouldn’t be a word, rather I’m suggesting that we could use it in a more correct manner.