Preparing for my 25-year high school reunion

During the Thanksgiving weekend, my wife and I will be attending my 25-year high school reunion. That’s right, I graduated from good old Hatboro-Horsham High School (Pennsylvania) back in 1984. The picture you see to your right is me on graduation night, June 12th, at the football stadium.

It’s been a while since I have been to one of these events (the last one I attended was my 10-year reunion), and I can remember having a really good time. This year, with the advent of Facebook, I already am aware of a few old friends who are planning to be there. It will be great to see them (and others) and catch up on things.

Naturally, when one goes to a reunion, one wants to put one’s best foot forward. Like most people, I don’t want people to think that I have been unsuccessful in life, and I certainly don’t want anyone to know about any blemishes. So, I have been working on my “talking points” for Friday night. Here’s what I have so far:

1. I can tell people that I am “comfortably retired.” This is a true statement. I retired from the Navy last year. And, I will be wearing a suit and dress shoes that are reasonably comfortable. So, I will not be lying. Nobody has to know that I still have a full-time job, teach part time, am trying to somehow get through years and years of post-graduate school to get on with my life, etc. etc. I’ll just keep it at “comfortably retired,” and if they press the issue, I’ll excuse myself to the buffet.

2. How can I get the message across that I have been a compassionate, caring philanthropist all these years? I’ve got it. I’ll tell people, “I’ve dedicated my life to feeding starving children.” Again, I won’t be lying. They don’t have to know that I am referring to my two sons. Seriously, these boys are always “starving.” When I was a kid I thought “eating us out of house and home” was just a cute expression. Now I’m living the reality.

3. Now on to a touchy subject. What if someone comments that I have put on a few pounds since high school? In that case, I’m going to say, “Well, truth be told, I have lost 150 pounds.” How can they not be impressed? Just thinking of that will make them think I look great! You see, in my adult life, I have gone on a diet at least fifteen times. And I know that in each diet, I have lost at least ten pounds before quitting. So, Voila!, I’ve lost 150 pounds.

4. I could tell people that I am a gold medalist. Don’t believe me? Look closely at the picture above. There I am at graduation, wearing a gold medal. Beats me what it was for—National Honor Society, I would guess. On second thought, this claim might be too tough to defend. Someone is liable to ask what I got the gold medal for. The best response I can come up with is that I got if for being “World’s Best Dad,” but everybody knows the prize for that is a coffee mug, not a gold medal. I’d better scratch this one off the list.

Well, I’ll keep thinking. I still have a few days to develop some more ideas. I am looking forward to having a great time on Friday night. And in the spirit of the occasion, I’ll do a send-off today with my alma mater.

Now here’s to good old Hatboro-Horsham,
Our praise for thee will never lack,
Something something something something,
And rally ‘round the red and black!

(3 out of 4 lines . . . not bad for 25 years later!)