Well, it’s the second Wednesday of the month, so, time for another installment of “Stupid Song Lyrics.”
Today’s entry comes from one of the paragons of the rock era, the one, the only, Sir Elton John. Elton, incidentally, is currently recovering from a case of the flu and E. coli, for which he was hospitalized. He had to cancel several concert dates. So, here’s wishing Elton a speedy recovery.
Today’s stupid lyrics come to us from one of his earliest hits, “Rocket Man”:
“Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids. In fact, it’s cold as hell. And there’s no one there to raise them, if you did.”
All right, let’s break this down into smaller chunks.
“Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids.” No duh. As far as I have been able to discern from my research, Mars has no ipods, i-tunes, i-phones, cell phones, blackberries, Facebook, X-Box, Playstation, Guitar Hero, Sour candy, SUVs, minivans, amusement parks, Quizno’s, Tropical Smoothies, swimming pools, laptops, Lil Wayne videos, flip-flops, ESPN, cable TV, or that annoying spray paint that is used to write cute messages on your car windows the day before the big football game. There’s just no way you could possibly raise a kid on Mars.
“In fact, it’s cold as hell.” Now, I have no quibble with the fact that it is cold on Mars. We all know that Mars is further away from the Sun than Earth, and Mars lacks a thick atmospheric layer that can help contain heat. The air temperature there apparently rarely gets over freezing, and at the poles it averages -200 F. But “cold as hell?” What does that mean? Not only in the Bible, but in the traditional, popular conception, hell is a place of fiery torment, indescribably hot. Now if he had said, “Mercury ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids. In fact, it’s hot as hell”—well, that would be different. The only possible explanation I can think of is, maybe he is getting at, like, when something is so cold that it is actually hot. Like on a winter day when you eat a snowball and it is so cold that it actually burns your tongue. Then maybe something could be “cold as hell,” so to speak. But I don’t really think that’s what he means.
“And there’s no one there to raise them, if you did.” If you did what? Take your kids to Mars? But if you did that, then you would be there too, so you could just raise them yourself. Unless, of course, he is trying to say that you would somehow send your kids off to Mars by themselves unaccompanied by any adult, which is absurd. I’m sorry, but unless there was some miraculous way to get your kids off to Mars absolutely by themselves, then there would have to be someone there to raise them . . . if you did.
These lyrics have perplexed me for at least twenty-five years. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever understand them. I might eventually, but believe me, I think it’s gonna be a long long time.
Is Winter Over Yet?
1 year ago
I can sympathize with you completely. The problem, of course, is that one must not think too much when following pop song lyrics.
ReplyDeleteConsider the ancient hit “Hang On Sloopy” (by the McCoys). It starts off innocently enough. The would-be suitor notes her lowly station in life (she “lives in a very bad part of town”) and how people “put her down” on account of her low-life father and her generally unattractive surroundings. His concern is downright noble! In just a few short lines, however, he sinks into an orgy of lust and excitation. He’s screaming how “it feels so good” and then “shake it, shake it, shake it, sloopy”. What is Sloopy to think? Is he a fine young man with noble sentiments to improve her lot in life, with perhaps even aspirations to jump in and help improve slum life generally? Or is he just another lecherous young cad looking for you-know what?? That sentiment switch on his part came so suddenly, it’s hard to know. He goes from Noble to Naughty in Nothing flat!!
And another thing. Should she really hang on? And if so, for how long? And to what? Clearly, Sloopy has some heavy duty decision-making facing her!
Oh, and by the way, who has a name like “Sloopy” anyway? Sounds a lot like “sloppy”!
You must admit, for sheer mindless fun, it’s hard to beat “Hang On Sloopy”.
I always took "It feels so good" to mean that it gives him a great amount of heartfelt satisfaction to have helped this young girl out of her downtrodden plight. How generous, compassionate, and chivalrous of him! And as for "shake it, shake it, shake it," I think he is expressing to her that she must shake off the chains of bondage that have relegated her to her lowly social position.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, stupid song lyrics could be a whole separate blog in and of itself.